Catastrophe

HEARTBREAK!  AGONY!  DEFEAT!  PAIN!  TEARS!  ANGER!  R A G E !!!!!!!!

Let's start at the beginning.

In the last week or so, I've kind of hit a wall on this project.  I'm tired of dealing with endless bobbins. I look at the number of ends to weave in and I just feel so UN-INSPIRED about the whole thing.  I just needed to finish.  I need to move on to the next steps and move on to a new project in general.

I didn't even want to knit last night.  I'm tired, I'm at the tail end of a cold and I'm mildly addicted to a new iphone game (Bookworm Heroes!) I'm playing with my sister and I thought "no, I'm going to just sit on the couch and not knit this thing tonight."  The only thing that motivated me to pull the needles out was that I was so close to the end of the final "extreme bobbin" color stage that I thought, "just finish that" and I can relax.  Plus the knitting getting significantly easier when it's just blue/green etc.  And so I  knit the final 5 rows of the color repeat.

Something had been bothering me all afternoon about the side orange item count.  I thought I recalled going to 21 stitches last time, not the 15 I was getting.  I have NO IDEA why I just ignored this concern and kept going.  I have no idea why it didn't click in with me that THIS WAS A MAJOR MAJOR PROBLEM.  But it didn't.  Not until I finished the final white color row that I realized that I should also be finishing the side orange rows... but I wasn't.  I was missing 4 rows there.

Then it hit me- in one foul, ugly, sickening, gut wrenching swoop.  I started the orange side things too late.  I need to rip out 18 rows of stitches.

(You can sort of see here that the top "orange blob" is slightly off kilter to the other orange blobs.)

I'll say it again.  I NEED to RIP OUT 18 ROWS OF COMPLICATED FAIRE ISLE COLORWORK.

Hang on- I just need to go sob in a corner again...

Normally, I am not one adverse to yanking the needle out and just pulling out the rows quickly to fix the issue.  I can't do that here.  Let me illustrate why:

BOBBINS.  F***ing BOBBINS.  I have to tink back each stitch, and twist and turn and rewind bobbins.  To pull out the needles would create such an epic rat's nest of yarns that I would further spiral into a depressive tunnel of shame and self loathing.

And so I begin to tink.  Quite franky I don't know where this leaves me.  I've told myself to go back, rip out to the start of the mistake and walk away for a day or two.  Knit a May hat, or pull out the stripey blanket, or something that doesn't make me want to sob uncontrollably.  But I'm un-motivated.  I'm full of loathing and anger now.  I worry walking away from this project means I won't ever walk back.  I'm not sure the million ends to weave in and bobbins to deal with are going to bring me back.

We are starting a home renno in June.  I had told myself that this blanket needed to be done before that started- as my brain will be too unorganized to do anything else.  It's going to take me at least a day if not more to tink these rows back.  (By the time I wind/untwist etc, it takes me as long to remove the row as it would have to knit it.)  I don't know if I can finish now.

I'm lost on this one.  I can feel myself giving up.  I'm going to fight the feeling but I'll be honest... I'm not sure what's going to happen.

Send me some knitting mojo?